Situation with me current GF + ex-gf

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flash

flash

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BEWARE, LONG STORY:

Allright so 10 months ago, I met my girlfriend while I was with my ex. I had been with my ex for 8 years, but I hadn't realized my feeling had been gone for quite some time until I met my new girl.

Before cheating on her or doing anything stupid, I broke up. I didn't break up to be with someone else, I broke up so I wouldn't be with her anymore since I didn't have feelings for her anymore. Other than being a shitload of crap (having to sell the condo with a huge loss), the breakup was smooth.

Now...

My current girlfriend knew her before (not personally, but the saw each other 6-7 times before we started going out), but ever since we have been together, she started seeing her as the devil in person.

She would litterally ask for trouble, asking some questions about my past with her. She wouldn't let go until I told her what she asked for, but then she would bitch for the rest of the day.

My ex dissapeared for 2 months after we broke up. But then... in march, it was her birthday. We learned ALL my friends were going. I was dissapointed, but I couldn't be mad at my ex, nor my friends.

INside: My ex didn't see her own friends while we were together, she was always with me, seeing my friends. One of the reasons I left her, is because she would always make me feel bad for going out with friends without her, going to play hockey... whatever. I would tell her to go see my friends. She never did.

Now, one of the girls in the group ended up being her best friend now. Result, she's pretty much at every party, and everytime we do something as a group, there is a pretty good chance she'll be there.

I personally don't care. I'm not there to see her, I'm there to see my friends (guy friends). But my GF won't ****ing let me.

Over the past 7 months, she is paranoid as hell over me ex. She asked me time and time again to ask my friends to not invite her when they want to see me and all that crap. I did, but I didn't want to. My friends can't really do anything about it really. She's a friend of theirs too, and best friends with a common friend.

I tried going to a party where my ex was and it ended up being World War 3 between me and my GF. Why ? I don't know. My ex has a new BF. But she keeps saying (I mean yelling at me) that she won't accept share our lives with my ex.

Who am I to go tell my friends how to live their lives ? I don't want to need a schedule to know when and where I can see my friends.

For 7 months now, everytime my friends invite me over, I ask the question "Who's there?". Never in my life did I ever ask someone that question to determine if I'd be going.

I'm sick of this and now she's pushing me again to "do something about it, talk to my friends".

Here are a couple of examples of some times she went bezerk over this:

- Last week she was at work until 10PM. I played tennis with my friend. Sound OK, right ? NO, she yelled at me because my ex's best friend lives 5 minutes away and they could have spotted us...

- One time my friends invited us to get some ice cream. My girlfriend agrees even if my ex would be there. Wow, great ! Finally a break! NOT ! We got there early and she rushed me to order and leave before they'd get there !

I'm so tired of my life depending on what my EX is doing. I love my girlfriend. Obviously she has a problem getting over this. I am SUPER patient with her. This summer I spent my vacations with her instead of my friends (they went camping for a week in various spots) because my ex was there. First time of my life I ever spent my time off without my friends.

I always look for new ways to fix this for her. I want to, but I don't even know if I can do anything about it besides restraining myself from doing things I'd normally do. Even when I asked my friends for help, they know damn well it's not coming from me.

Any advice ?
 
Put it in the butt and ditch the bitch...

Sérieusement, c'est impossible de vivre comme ça, fais lui lire ce texte, si elle comprends pas il y a pas d'espoir.

Vis ta vie de célibataire...
 
Last week she was at work until 10PM. I played tennis with my friend. Sound OK, right ? NO, she yelled at me because my ex's best friend lives 5 minutes away and they could have spotted us...
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As soon as I read this I wanted to say this:

ditch the bitch...
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time to lay down the law. She's gotta deal with her problems or your both moving on.

explain to her that *trust* is one the greatest aspects of a relationship and if she doesn't have any, you will never grow closer together.
 
It is much easier to replace a girlfriend that it is to replace your friends.

She will probably never stop. IF, you ere to move to another city, she would find something/someone else to catalyze her insecurity/paranoia over. How does that sound for a future?

Put it in the butt and ditch the bitch...
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It is very simple.
She's paranoid and all because she is jealous, which means 2 things; she does not trust you and she does not have confidence in herself.

Explain this to her. If she cannot trust you - you can't be with her.
Put her back in her place. You gotta give and take when in a relationship but when she freaks out like that and does not "Let You go to a party" - screw it, don't let her ruin your fun.
 
She needs to deal with her own insecurities first because if she keeps doing that, you'll get fed up and move on.

Sit her down and tell her how you feel and that she shouldn't worry about your ex (as she also has a new bf now)

If nothing works, you should either bite it and tough it out or just move on. A GF is supposed to support you and be a life companion, not extra trouble and headache.
 
Ronin said:
It is much easier to replace a girlfriend that it is to replace your friends.

She will probably never stop. IF, you ere to move to another city, she would find something/someone else to catalyze her insecurity/paranoia over. How does that sound for a future?
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x2
 
Seriously, tell her to let you live.. because this relationship is a ****ing prison as I can see.

Bros before hoes. thats how it works usually.
 
without reading any of the other guys comments I just want to say something you already know, if you guys don't compromise on a permanent solution for this problem, its going to tear your relationship apart.

I know you want us to side with you, and thats understandable, from your description your girlfriend sound like shes a little bit psycho, --> NO, she yelled at me because my ex's best friend lives 5 minutes away and they could have spotted us...
 thats a little bit on the rediclious side.

ask her straight up: give me one good reason why this is making you so jealous? Then tell her, I'm with you, not with her, I was with her for 8 years, I left her for good reason after those 8 years. What else do I have to do to prove to you that it is over between us?

I also understand how women are uncontrollably, ridiculously jealous for no good reason most of the time (personal experience) so no matter what your going to have to deal with that, some girls are worse than others.

But having said that, she also has to do her part and make an effort to put your EX out of her mind and just concentrate on you. The more she concentrates on your ex the more its going to frustrate her. This is more of something she has to come to terms with, rather than making it your problem.

My thoughts......you need to ask her to find a meeting point with you, and ask her to stop thinking about what makes her upset all the time and rather what makes her happy. Make it a serious "sit down" kind of talk and really put it through to her that if you guys cant figure out a way to cope with it, you cant guarantee an extended relationship on your end...I dunno if you live with her or whatever, but really calmly and thoughtfully tell her that your going to leave to give her some time to think about it after you finish your talk. (dont forget to say you love her sincerely before you leave or else your going to get owned)

good luck

oooh, and 6-7 months is about the make or break for a young relationship..(if you've been out of the game for too long lol 8 years). sooo ready yourself for disappointment if it may strike... you know your friends are there for you..
 
You shouldn't put up with that crap.. She needs to trust you and if she doesn't, then it has to make you wonder where exactly your relationship is headed.

I can't believe any girl would actually make demands like that. I made it very clear to any new bf's I had that I am still friends with my ex's and if they aren't secure enough to handle that, then I don't want to be with them. It's crazy. Don't put up with it. Put your foot down before she starts to run other areas of your life too.
 
Au début je lisais ton histoire et je me disais bin criss ton EX a pas d'affaire la.. mais plus j'avancais plus ta blonde actuelle me donnait l'impression d'être un criss de folle... Ya beaucoup de bon commentaires et je crois vraiment que tu dois t'asseoir avec et discuter de ça... Dis lui que t'en a assez de vivre comme ça... C'est simple si ton EX était pas dans le portrait ca serait autre chose... Et pour une relation de 7 mois... désolé mais si elle pète sa coche de mêem après aussi peu longtemps.. imagine après 3-4 ans.. t'es mort mec..
 
I was just going to say "RUN!" but...

MustangMatt said:
time to lay down the law. She's gotta deal with her problems or your both moving on.

explain to her that *trust* is one the greatest aspects of a relationship and if she doesn't have any, you will never grow closer together.
Click to expand...

...this is a lot better.
 
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