ITT : Sex related jokes/story

.Fred

.Fred

New member
It's easy, tell us a FUNNY (get it LG, we have to laugh) story that is sex related.

I'll start ;

Recently I was getting head from a girl I hooked up with earlier. The girl tried hard but damn she sucked (literally) so after a while minutes I get tired of it a proceeded to cash out bla bla bla.

When it was all over she looked at me and asked :

Her - Est ce que je suce bien? (looking all proud of herself)

Fred - No one ever told you your bj were great? !?

Her - *trying to hide her smirk of satisfactions* Non jamais

Fred - They were right!

Leaving the room while she's still getting dressed.




























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Your turn.

Inb4 Masaker, Russian m3, Snake1337, and Alain pornstars stories.
 
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An old blonde joke:

So this blonde is waiting in line to sell her blood at the hospital (USA still pays for ur blood) and the guy behind her tries to strike up a conversation.
Guy: Hey.. so what are u in for anyway?
Blonde: Just short on my luck and looking to sell some blood.
Guy: really? that's cool, i'm here to sell my sperm.
Blonde all smug n happy: they're going to give me 20$ for a pint of blood.
Guy laughing: that's it? i get 50$ for an ounce of my goo lol
Blonde gets pissed off, conversation's over n they go on their separate ways.

A couple of weeks go by, and the guy shows up back at the hospital.. and what do u know he sees the same blonde standing in line in front of her.
Guy: Oh Hi there! U here to sell some more blood? i thought u had to wait like a month or...
Blonde: shakes her head left to right with both cheeks / mouth full... "nnnunnugh" :p

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une fois j'etais a un meet de mecanique avec un membre de MR qui voulait changer sa timming belt
ca tetait a commencer alors je lui dit On la change cette timming belt ou on s'encule ?
et le membre MR me repond "tu sais moi ... la mecanique et les mains sales ... "
 
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getting road head from my ex, waiting at a light.

Two guys walking by, one guy laughs and gives me a thumbs up. I'm dieing of laughter. She asks, "what?" I say , "nothing." and push her down to continue. lolol
 
lol_face3 said:
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getting road head from my ex, waiting at a light.

Two guys walking by, one guy laughs and gives me a thumbs up. I'm dieing of laughter. She asks, "what?" I say , "nothing." and push her down to continue. lolol
Click to expand...

Same happenned to me but on the highway, a trucker was passing me, then slowed down gave me a thumbs up then re-accelerated while blasting his horns rofl!
 
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If there was one highway i got the most road head on.. Has to be the 401!
I'd lie n say "oh shit cops" n force her to deepthroat n stay down lol
 
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