Trust Issues..

SAMURAI-

SAMURAI-

New member
When is it wrong to start asking questions ?

or

when do you know you ask too many questions of your partner?


example: she/he does something you dont like...they text or call some other person or communicate in a way that seems sketchy to you... should you ask about that other person or just brush it off?

personal example: my gf flips me out often... ( i`ve been cheated on before... not by her though) basically she`s showing signs of being a good girl but has signs of also being one i dont want to be involved with...tattoo on lower back, tongue ring, knew alot of black guys.....

swears she never did anything with any of them...the ones she did she swears she told me...but she`s already lied to me once...now things are getting SERIOUS.. like we`re thinking of moving in together but i feel like im still not sure about TRUST with her...


what would any other fellow MR user do in this situation ? i got crazy history with this girl so me just dumping her and getting a new one isnt something im interested in...im more interested in building trust...QUICKLY.

any input would be appreciated.
 
knew alot of black guys

knew alot of black guys

knew alot of black guys

knew alot of black guys






















knew alot of black guys




She's cheating OP. Call it off. Not worth the headache.


But srs tho, If you have such a big trust issue with her, you should try and talk it out with her. Don't keep it to yourself.
But if she does tries to avoid the subject or shows no sign of a need to improve the relationship, then call it off.
 
la confiance ce batit pas rapidement...la chose que tu peux faire a mon avis c'est lui parler directement et lui dire. Si vous ete assez mature pour faire sa, quand t'es dans ue bonne relation il y a des moment ou tu peu etre direct.
 
Thanks see so far genre a date elle a changer pas mal...no more clubbing...took out the tongue ring...swears im the one for her, c juste plate que jme pose souvent des questions.... elle travaille chez nissan vla pas trop long temps un vedeur labas la tapper les feesse....i wanted to rip his throat out but she said nonono let me handle it...depuuis ctemps la le staff labas avai besoin davoir un rencontre genre ``sexual harrasment`` pour les informer cquoi qui es pas acceptable....MAIS/BUT : she still dresses all in tights and shit to go to work in a office when im sure all the other women are dressing like business women... ma blonde es pas petite la...5`11... cpas acause quelle es jeune qui la faite sa le gars la...ctacause de comment a se promenai en leggings yetai surement comme....datttt ass... anyways thats just a quick example.... like ive complained about alot and yeah she`s changed quite a bit


ESPECIALLY THE BLACK GUY THING LOL...( im black myself but she chilled with haitians...like 50 cent wanna be thugs....)

but there`s STILL some things that get to me...at this point like she`s almost never complained about anything on my side...i feel like im the fuckn nagging wife.....

anyone knw that feel ??
 
SL!nky.Ako said:
Building ur own trust in you usually does the trick
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i fully get that and i do trust myself like i work out alot...i teach karate part time...im a great dancer... I speak multiple languages.. Its just when it comes to getting close like IN LOVE with women..after my experience in the past its rough... i for sure have gotten better LOL i was alot worse before with this trust thing...
 
If your trust isn't very solid at the moment do yourself a favor and do not move in with her yet. Go out with your own buddies and let it go to her head too. If she knows that her hanging around with men bothers you yet she continues this is a clear sign that you're not worth it for her so get a better woman for yourself.
 
Minchia said:
If your trust isn't very solid at the moment do yourself a favor and do not move in with her yet. Go out with your own buddies and let it go to her head too. If she knows that her hanging around with men bothers you yet she continues this is a clear sign that you're not worth it for her so get a better woman for yourself.
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Thanks I`ll do that...it has passed through my mind before but i didnt want to be too distant and then ouuppss she ends up cheating on me...id go ape shit.
she uses big words saying im the love of her life and that she only wants to be with me, but its like she`s blind to some things that will make me think twice about her.

like RIGHT NOW i`m fixing shit between us reading a damn book on how to ``fix`` a relationship...im 22 i shouldnt have to be reading damn relationship books... i love reading and all but this is a bit much... im doing the reading and shes doing nothing.. which is noted in the book..for the couple to work not both have to go through ``therapy`` just the changes in my behavior should produce changes in her`s. but so far ( past 2 weeks ) its been just distant and sleeping on different sides of the bed hell one night i even went out with another MR user and just did some highway pulls... to take my mind off of things.


idk i love her yeah but seriously we`ve been going solid for 5 months.. but the past year we`ve been on and off atleast 5 to 6 times..(before when something would happen i would just pick up and leave and cut her out for a few weeks.)


im just like dafuck do i do now. i want it to work, but i over think alot when signs arise that support my thinking... when everything is going good its great! but when it gets sketchy..its REALLY sketchy.


example a few weeks ago - what made me start reading this book. : some guy texted her hey mami sa va?....i just sat there waiting to see how she would react to that message...she went on to say ``allo oui to...then i grabbed the phone out her hand and called him and asked him `` hey man...if i call your girl mami would you like it ? `` she got mad at me for doing it...i flipped shit on her for letting some haitian guy call her mami and her not be like : ummm i have a boyfriend please dont talk to me like that: so now ME...I`M the one reading the relationship book and not her....im starting to feel like im doin the work and she`s just fckn with my head.
 
trust is supposed to be already built when you wanna get serious. If you don't trust her, you're not ready to go to the next level imo.
 
cassard said:
trust is supposed to be already built when you wanna get serious. If you don't trust her, you're not ready to go to the next level imo.
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I agree with cassard.

Also remember that you can't live your current relationship based on your past. This will never make you be able to move on and be clear about things.
She's a different person and she seems to like you enough to change certain things about her appearance and she seems to be legit.
 
SAMURAI- said:
Thanks I`ll do that...it has passed through my mind before but i didnt want to be too distant and then ouuppss she ends up cheating on me...id go ape shit.
she uses big words saying im the love of her life and that she only wants to be with me, but its like she`s blind to some things that will make me think twice about her.

like RIGHT NOW i`m fixing shit between us reading a damn book on how to ``fix`` a relationship...im 22 i shouldnt have to be reading damn relationship books... i love reading and all but this is a bit much... im doing the reading and shes doing nothing.. which is noted in the book..for the couple to work not both have to go through ``therapy`` just the changes in my behavior should produce changes in her`s. but so far ( past 2 weeks ) its been just distant and sleeping on different sides of the bed hell one night i even went out with another MR user and just did some highway pulls... to take my mind off of things.


idk i love her yeah but seriously we`ve been going solid for 5 months.. but the past year we`ve been on and off atleast 5 to 6 times..(before when something would happen i would just pick up and leave and cut her out for a few weeks.)


im just like dafuck do i do now. i want it to work, but i over think alot when signs arise that support my thinking... when everything is going good its great! but when it gets sketchy..its REALLY sketchy.


example a few weeks ago - what made me start reading this book. : some guy texted her hey mami sa va?....i just sat there waiting to see how she would react to that message...she went on to say ``allo oui to...then i grabbed the phone out her hand and called him and asked him `` hey man...if i call your girl mami would you like it ? `` she got mad at me for doing it...i flipped shit on her for letting some haitian guy call her mami and her not be like : ummm i have a boyfriend please dont talk to me like that: so now ME...I`M the one reading the relationship book and not her....im starting to feel like im doin the work and she`s just fckn with my head.
Click to expand...

Man, you've just answered yourself with this post. You're doing all the work, she's doing nothing. You think this is normal? No. I can't judge you since I've done exactly the same thing. Stop now, this is my advice. Tell her that if she wants things to change she should be trying AT LEAST as hard as you do. If she doesn't understand that, then she clearly doesn't love you as much as you love her.
 
je suis peut etre dans le tord mais tu me donnes limpression d'etre la femme du couple. Tu l'as connue wearing tight legging being sexy as shit ... Tu pensais quoi qu'elle allait se mettre des jeans pis des converse arreter de se maquiller pis se couper les cheveux court pour qu'aucun autre homme que toi la trouve jolie ? ( y comprit toi a se moment la tu vas la trouver laide parce quelle n'est plus comme elle était au debut ). Si tes pas bien avec elle pis tu veux la changer criss la la de toute facon ce n'est qu'une question de temps. Et puis les femmes qui travailles dans les concessionaire automobile sont en general tres sexy.

C'est sur que t'as un probleme de confiance mais dans vie au pire t'apprend de tes erreurs parce que de toute facon a moins qu'un gars de MR se la tappe tout les mercredi soir y'a personne qui sais comment est ta blonde ici.

WTF reading a book about how to fix a couple at age 22 ???? Live your life man.


Oh and by the way seems like it's the end of your couple. For the next girl try to look for something else than what you have now.. id say a little bit more conservative knowing your trust issues.
 
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aminah said:
you sound like a girl... you look like a jealous type of bf.
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thanks for your input. as noted i already said i feel like the damn woman in this relationship, i think its best i tell her straight up what is up and if she wants it to work she needs to fix shit just as much as i am trying at least! if not ciao bye, im too young to be thinking about shit like this.. i think
 
thanks for all your input you guys helped..i usually would have just sat here thinking about all this lol really is appreciated thread could be locked i guess or i`ll give you all updates on the situation
 
I've read all your posts in this thread, and you seem to be insecure about yourself. When another poster suggested the same, you felt the need to prove yourself right away by listing what you considered your strong points.

Now, I may be wrong because, frankly, I don't know you at all, and don't get the wrong idea; I'm not trying to be a dickhead. What it comes down to is being true to yourself. I have a good buddy that is EXTREMELY insecure about himself and it has practically ruined his relationship. I'm only chiming in because after watching him ruin his chances at a normal life, I'd hate to see it happen to someone else.

You can't expect to have confidence in a relationship if you're constantly doubting the confidence you have in yourself. From what you've described, it seem as if you are quick to get territorial, and in consequence, things get out of hand. IMO in no relationship should either the man or woman be looking through each others' phone, email, facebook, etc... If you can't trust the person you're with, everything else you've built in a relationship is useless.

What would I do in your place?

Spend some time thinking about you. Pound back brews with your buddies, get away and get wasted. Burn a fattie with your best bud and talk about life. Work on your car, enjoy the sun, and do what makes you feel good. At 22 the last thing you should be doing is stressing over a relationship, when you've got your whole life ahead of you. Find peace man, and start feeling really good about everything.

What's a relationship for if not to make you happy? Ditch the bullshit books, and go talk to her straight up. Don't lose your cool and don't yell, just sit down with her and get the answers you need. Fap before, because, let's be honest, it's easy to take a girl back and see past her bullshit when all you can think about is getting your dick wet. Take it from there man, and if you truly believe what she says, make it work. If it all goes to shit, or you feel as if you can't trust her despite what she says, get out. There are millions of women out there, and if one won't truly love you for who you are, there's certainly another one who will.

Fuck stress and all the best to you man. Keep us posted, and, as I said, don't take me the wrong way. I'm not a psychologist, I'm just calling it as I see it. From one guy to another, do what makes you happy, and nothing else.
 
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